What I want out of life is to be happy but happiness seems so far out of reach. As each day passes I have the decision of feeling or be void of all emotions. The latter seems more appealing. I honestly hate how closed off I am. It makes me push people away ultimately making feel alone and no one is there for me. If im going to be there for people then I expect them to be there for me but it seems that theres hardly anyone. I feel like im screaming for someone to notice me, to pay attention to my needs, someone just hold my hand and tell me I can do it. Im not as strong as I seem to be. Sometimes I want to be the one to lean on someone but its always me that ends up helping others. When will someone take the time to notice me, to actually notice me? I dont want much just someone to listen. I guess until that time ill crawl back into my defenses and the only thing ill give is an empty shell. Its better that way. No one can hurt me. Ive started to like my wall it allows me to do whatever I pleased without feeling remorse. I like to care for others but since no one wants to care for me then I can easlily not give a fuck. Im tired of caring and being used. Im tired of getting hurt. Im tired of feeling. I dont need to care nor feel for others seeing as it gets me no where. I can do that, close myself off and throw away the key, let no one in. Thinking that makes me feel giddy. Perhaps thats the path I shall take
I just want someone to be there for me for once. To listen to me. To hold on to my hand. To tell me comforting things.
I seem to always find myself crying on my pillow wishing for better but its always out of reach.
Hopes and dreams always seem so elusive that I start thinking theyre a waste of time And that happiness is unobtainable.
I dont ask for much in hopes that the things I do ask for will be given to me
As the stress is building up I want to run to you. No matter what was going on you were always there to say the right things to keep me sane. But youre no longer here and im wasting more tears on what will never be. Maybe Im longing for the feelings I once had because of you. The comfort you gave is what im looking for and I feel like no one else can give that to me
if a charmander running in circles chasing its tail doesnt fit your blog then you are running the wrong kind of blog
I hate being left alone in my thoughts because they all drift towards you. Even though im almost completely over you…